Yesterday, physical therapy was a lot tougher than I expected.  Started out with a warm up walk, 15 min on the treadmill.  I went fast, maybe too fast cause I got tired quickly.  Then I upped the leg press to 120 lbs.  Did 2 sets of 15 for everything.  By the end I was exhausted, and I was already getting sore.  When I got home my small joints were really sore, my fingers and toes.  This morning I felt it in the pectoral region and my triceps.  My legs were extra sore as well as my hips. I need to stretch.

Learning about Blogging in school today.  And I am seeing how bad I am at Blogging.  I thought I was bad at it cause I don’t update it as often as I would like.  I also thought my writing was sometimes a little childish and ranty.  Overall, I still need to practice Blogging.

I’m currently in school, at the moment of writing this post, and I am behind in my english class.  Luckily I am in my Sound Design for Film Class.  I am not behind in that one.  In english, I have 2 papers behind, but all late work is due Thursday, I will have it done by then.  I am pretty much done with the 1st paper and i can crank out the 2nd one tonight.

A lot of times, i start out school great, then i get behind, then it becomes quicksand.

Had a fun few weekends since my last post.  Had a wedding that I wasn’t hungover for the next day.  Got mistaken for a 16 year old again.  Then had a 10 grade school reunion over the next weekend.  I finally pooped, which is great.  My bowels are as back to normal as they can ever be.  I just started physical therapy for the KS.  I am not flexible at all. And my right leg is even less flexible than my left.  It was light but strenuous today, its all do able and I don’t think i over worked, since I can get sore.  Went on a strange treadmill, anti gravity, had to wear special pants and stuff.

I’m 24 years old and my older sister still tells on me.  So I blocked her from my facebook.  I am so sick of her tattling on me, she’s 4 years older, married and out of the house, yet she still tells on me.

My parents fear that employers won’t hire me if I am open out my medical issues.  I don’t want to hide, I’m not hiding this.  I’m pretty sure its illegal to reject someone for a job if they have some medical issues.

This is just unwanted stress, because it goes back to me thinking they are ashamed of me, or not ashamed of me as long as nobody knows I have Klinefelter’s.  It just means that they are faking support.  This is when I get depressed, when my family doesn’t support me.  Well you can’t choose your family right?

I was exhausted yesterday.  It felt like a ran a marathon, yet I barely left the house.  I went to bed around 11pm and set my alarm for 9am hoping I’d 10 hours of sleep.  Well I woke up at 5am, not the worst but I really need some sleep.  Its been tough for me to get the right amount of sleep, I usually go to bed too late and only have time for 4 to 6 hours, but I’ve been going to bed before midnight, which doesn’t happen very often.

Time for me to hop my Xanax will work, and get back to sleep.  I’l wake up at 9am, shower and hopefully I will be well enough to go to school.

I feel really bad right now.  My hands hurt a lot.  Its tiring to type.  My wrists feel like jelly.  I have a sharp pain in my tummy, I feel dehydrated again even though I’ve been drinking lots of water.  I’m really weak right now.  Getting dizzy again.  I’m irritated by a lot of things at the moment.

My dad said something that offended me.  My mom asked me to move these bulky heavy chairs, and I was getting up to go do it right away, but because I feel so sick today it took me a while.  So my mom thought I just wasn’t moving, and I got annoyed. Then my dad said something like “go now” even though he was in the room and could see me struggle getting up.  As i brought the bulky chair back, i was in pain and my dad said something like “better you than me” as if my joint pain is nothing compared to his.  He’s twice my age, and my joint pain is worse.  I think I’m gonna be bed ridden at his age.  I’m young, my joints shouldn’t hurt like this.  I guess its time to attempt to take out the garbage now, before I get too tired.

It sucks when your sick but their are no visible symptoms.  If I were puking all over the place then people would see that I am sick.

I wanted to clarify the meaning behind the title I chose for this blog.  Everyday I wake up weak, its a struggle to get out of bed on the best days.  When I started this blog yesterday, I felt weak, although I had gotten 8 hours of sleep, yet inspired.  I woke up at 7am, for the 1st time in a while I woke up at 7am and didn’t regret it.  I got out of bed and had a productive morning,  I did research on sound design, which means watching a movie.  But I felt inspired as well, to start this blog, as a “secret public journal” to quote Mike Birbiglia.

When I feel weak, the last thing I want to do is leave my bed.  I’d like to just sleep until I have the strength to get out of bed.  I need to motivate myself to get out of bed.  Make deals with myself.  Explain to myself that the day isn’t so bad, only a few hours of class and then I can come back and nap.  Or if its going to be a long day, I grab a mountain dew and hope that holds me over.  Now I feel inspired. Inspired to continue this blog, and I feel it will help me get a routine going.  It will give me a reason to get out of bed.  A reason to fight my struggles.